A roommate problem ... Unhappy about 'short' jokes

By JEWEL KATS and DAVE SILVERBERG
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Jewel,

I need your outlook on roommate issues. I am getting really frustrated with one of my roommates, "Katie." I have been very honest with her, but I find it really hard to confront her at times. She usually gets pretty hostile when I try approaching her about certain things.

For example, there are two towel racks on the wall of our room to hang towels to air dry. I usually hang my towel on the top rack to dry overnight and it usually doesn't move until I use it again. Since the start of school, the corners of my towels have pinkish make-up stains. I know. They are just towels.

But it's more of a respect thing. I'm getting tired of my stuff being disrespected and used without permission. I have asked both of my roommates about the towel issue. Katie became hostile and denied any involvement, saying she didn't have any make-up that color and so on and so forth.

Ten years from now the condition of my towels won't be important, but I don't want these little problems to turn into big issues. Such as Katie leaving the door unlocked to step out for just a minute while all my stuff is left unattended and ready to steal. Or the time that she ate most of my food without permission.

She is a nice girl, don't get me wrong. But she needs some help with roommate etiquette. And I need some tips concerning how and when I should approach her about these problems.

_ NOT-SO-HAPPY ROOMIE

Dear N.S.H.R.,

I can understand your frustrations. I would be grossed out if I found another girl's lipstick stains on my towel. I would be ticked if my house were left unlocked. I would grumble if someone ate my double chocolate cake. However, I wouldn't lay blame on somebody unless I had tangible proof. You should do the same.

It's quite obvious from your letter that your mind's eye has already found the guilty culprit. That's not really fair. For all you know, Katie may be innocent. Think about it. Does she really not own pink-colored make-up? Did you catch her stealing from your cookie jar? Was she the last person to leave the door open? These are questions you should ask yourself.

Plan a course of action if you're convinced Katie has done these misdeeds. Survey your other roommate to see if she has similar complaints. Set up a meeting with Katie if you're all in agreement. Do the same if you're the only one having problems with the girl in question. Reasonably voice your frustrations. Present your facts. Set your limits. Seize the conversation if she gets hostile, and continue once she's cooled down.

If nothing comes of this meeting, then it's in your best interest to make a change. Either you or Katie has to leave, and that's a whole new saga.

Best of luck.

_ Love, Jewel

Hi, Dave,

I'm 18 and a towering 5 feet 5. Believe me, I've heard every short joke there is.

My question: Is this something I'm going to hear for the rest of my life? Or, as we get older, do people actually look past my height and see me for who I am?

I just laugh and come back with a witty response when someone makes fun of my height, but it's getting a little old and I'm still young. Do you think I should change my reaction and give people a little lecture, or keep with what I'm doing?

_ TIRED OF SHORT JOKES

Dear T.O.S.J.,

You're 18. Your friends are 18. They'll grow up and find out more interesting things to do than make fun of their buddy's height. Some kids can latch onto someone else's physical trait like a punching bag, and they'll become verbal bullies for a while.

Thing is, it gets boring after a few years. Don't worry, man, most people don't care who's short and who's tall. You just hang with an immature bunch.

You should lecture people, though, who start to irritate you. Snide comments deserve some response, even if you know the brains behind the jokes are the size of a raisin. You don't want to sound too defensive, though. That may only encourage more idiots to start razzing you about your lack of tallness (sounds better than saying "short," no?).

Be happy with who you are. Embrace what physique you have, no matter what people say. It's not worth stressing, so I recommend you start believing more in yourself than in crude judgments from others. That'll do you better in the long run.

(Got a hot question for our cool columnists? E-mail Jewel or Dave at writeus(at)ypp.net or check them out on-line at http://www.ypp.net.)