ShareThisBy REG HENRY
Sunday, November 19, 2006
At last! At last! We had dreamed for such a result, but we had given up hope. We were so used to being beaten down that we could not imagine being up ever again.
We were yesterday's people thinking yesterday's thoughts, heedless that the world had moved on. We remained loyal but suffered the scorn of countless on-air and online blowhards. We whimpered and could not swagger.
We thought that we would have to retire exhausted to nursing homes, there to wrap our memories of greatness around us like shawls, and to sway back and forth in rocking chairs to the rhythms of our despondency.
Then, incredibly, almost miraculously, our national nightmare came to an end in one great evening.
But enough about the Pittsburgh Steelers and their success in last Sunday's game. Let's talk about the midterm elections.
Hey, how about those Democrats? Who would have thought it? Frankly, you could have knocked me over with a feather I was so surprised.
It seems that many of our fellow Americans are not, after all, drooling Neanderthals who would vote for Genghis Khan if he were against gay marriage. Gosh, who would have thought it after looking at all the TV ads that were pitched to them during the campaign?
Indeed, many questions now abound. How could a professional know-it-all like myself have been so pessimistic before the election? Did booted congresspersons lose because they were too liberal or too conservative or because they had bad hair? Will these defeated public officials now return and run for president, having proved themselves thoroughly obnoxious to the voters? (Please, please, let it be so. We still need a good laugh.)
All these are good questions, which is why I leave them to more competent authorities until my confidence returns. More interesting to me is how we should behave now that the reactionary forces have been routed and everywhere sweetness and light reigns except (as always) in the studios of Rush Limbaugh and like-minded trolls.
Does etiquette permit ostentatious displays of fist-pumping, yelling of "nyah, nyah" and "Your mother wears Army boots, but don't worry because we are bringing her back from Iraq"? Is this OK to say post-election?
Sadly, no. It is not good form. Those who are relieved by the election must show some class. It is our duty.
Oh, I grant you, it is cathartic to counter critics with their own mocking words. What are the charming little phrases they used to fling at us after 2000 and 2004? Yes, now I remember: "GET OVER IT!" and "STOP WHINING!" This is still timely advice, but saying it now must be resisted, even if a lower-case tone of voice is adopted.
It is not only because liberals are smarter, wiser, kinder and have more interesting pets than conservatives do _ surely that goes without saying. The high road must be taken because the low road is such a crass and obvious trail. Besides, to make conservatives feel resentful is to do them a favor. They love feeling resentful and put upon _ which explains why they are always in a lather about something. That is the fun of politics for them.
But what can liberals do to celebrate? That is where the Institute for Creative Gloating can help. This very-much-for-profit organization (R. Henry, founder and president) was set up to help progressive Americans better deal with saying "I told you so" in a way that is both irritating and classy.
Regarding the election results, for example, the creative gloater will be the model of politeness and humility, saying things like: "It is nice to win, but we should remember that this is the work of the Almighty. Just as He sent Katrina to display the incompetence of our government, so he roused Americans to rebuke rampant hypocrisy in Washington. We ourselves did nothing."
In the meantime, resist the temptation to do end-zone dances, because they are always stupid. As Steelers fans know, it's a long season.
(Reg Henry is a columnist for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. E-mail rhenry(at)post-gazette.com)
