ShareThisBy JEWEL KATS and DAVE SILVERBERG
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Dear Jewel,
My life has been turned upside down. My dad came home this week all excited, saying he got a promotion and we're moving to a new city. The move is clear across the country, so I'll never see my friends again. We've never moved before and I've spent all of my 16 years at the same address. I have lots of girlfriends at school and I know lots of guys that I've grown up with. It makes me sick to know I'll be leaving them all behind. Why do parents do this to their kids?
_ DEVASTATED
Dear Devastated,
Let's get something straight: Promotions are not easy to come by. I'm willing to bet your dad worked very hard to gain this position. Try to be happy for him. More importantly, learn to celebrate his successes. After all, the great life you're describing is rooted in the secure soil your parent(s) provide.
I know how hard it is to move. From infancy to 18, I changed residences seven times. Luckily, I never had problems making new buds at school. What was my secret? Early on, I taught myself how to turn the limelight on whomever I was speaking with. I'd ask follow-up questions. I'd help analyze problems. I'd share my experiences. In turn, I gained the trust and friendship of many people.
In retrospect, there are things that I could've done to make my transition to new schools even easier. I should've participated in more after-school programs and teams. When you think about it, extra-curricular activities provide an excellent setting for making new friends. You and your potential pals are in a mutually satisfying environment, and the activity calls for discussion.
You've proven that you can make a network of chums. I'm confident you can do it again in a new atmosphere. Besides, moving away doesn't mean that you have to ditch your old pals. In today's day and age, there are countless means of communication. Pick a feasible option and keep in touch.
Your father's eagerness to accept this promotion has nothing to do with his feelings for you. Parents don't set out to hurt their children on purpose. Rather, they do what they think is best for the family. And, more than likely, he thinks this new opportunity will benefit all of you.
It's in your best interest to unload your doubts and fears to your parent(s). They can really help you get through the transition. Believe me, there's nothing like family support.
Good luck.
_ Love, Jewel
Dear Dave,
I'm in a university residence and there are 50 guys on my floor. We play a lot of sports together and generally get along pretty well.
My problem is that guys borrow my sports equipment and either don't return it or wreck it. I've tracked down the guys who don't return stuff and got my equipment back, but the latest incident was a guy borrowing my expensive hockey stick and breaking it while taking a slapshot.
I say he owes me a new one. He says the stick was defective and won't pay for it. The stick was new. I had only used it once and I was taking slapshots with it with no problem. Needless to say, he'll never get another piece of equipment from me. Don't you think he should be good for a new stick? I'm going to show him your response.
_ LENDING LESSON LEARNED
Dear LLL,
I hope your borrowing buddy is reading this, because I have one clear message for him: Pay for the stick! Yes, you used a friend's hockey stick and broke it, making you the one responsible for ruining a cherished item. It doesn't matter if you thought the stick was defective, because it sure didn't break under LLL's watch.
It's strange how often people tend to shirk responsibility in the face of disaster. And I'm not just talking about hockey sticks. It could be the U.S. government and Hurricane Katrina. So what's the appropriate response in disasters big and small? Owning up and apologizing, two acts that go a long way to building character. If you've done something wrong, don't pretend it wasn't your fault. That only makes you look like a coward.
And finally, LLL, one other lesson for you that you've already probably learned: Limit your lending ways to a minimum. Incidents like the broken-stick fiasco will only repeat if you keep up with your walk-all-over-me tendencies. Be tough, and tell your athletic friends to buy their own equipment.
Good luck!
(Got a hot question for our cool columnists? E-mail Jewel or Dave at writeus(at)ypp.net or check them out on-line at http://www.ypp.net.)
