ShareThisThere is a widespread impression that the sexual "revolution" of the 1960s turned sexual morality upside down, devaluing marriage. Granted, easy access to contraception made extramarital sex safer, and the prevailing "If it feels good, do it" mantra also offered this corollary: "If it no longer feels good, end it" -- effectively squeezing the shame out of divorce.
Today traditional sexual taboos no longer limit films and television, and pornography clogs the Internet. However, the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases has had a dampening effect on unhappy spouses who seek satisfaction by straying.
However, it is now clear that the sexual revolution did not revolutionize marriage as an institution. Considering today's frequency and ease of divorce, it may be statistically more hazardous to enter wedlock than in the past, but -- once wed -- spouses today are not only routinely faithful to each other but also content with each other.
Although men and women today have more commonly enjoyed a number of premarital partners, it does not follow that they will seek even one extramarital partner. The contemporary tolerance for premarital sex does not at all carry over to adultery, which continues to be overwhelmingly condemned by both sexes and by religious and secular society alike.
Indeed, since the 1970s, just as the National Marriage Project's annual survey reveals increasingly tolerant attitudes toward premarital sex, it also reported increasing disapproval of extramarital sex. More than nine of every 10 Americans say adultery is always or almost always wrong. This dramatic statistic suggests that even many adulterers disapprove of their own philandering.
What really has changed since the sexual revolution, and how does it affect contemporary marriage? Clearly, reliable contraception has made it possible for women before and during marriage to control their fertility and compete in the job market. But the birth control pill has not made women promiscuous. Even as early as 1990 a majority of American women younger than 30 reported having had no more than one sexual partner in their lives to date. If married, that sole partner was their husband.
However, in the intervening years sexual activity among teenagers has become more common, with three out of five having intercourse by the 12th grade. Moreover, 51 percent of girls and 44.6 percent of boys admit to being repeatedly sexually active at that early age. Still, there is no reason to believe that promiscuity is a habit they will carry into marriage.
More worrisome is that living together before marriage has increased exponentially. Should they decide later to tie the knot, their marriages are more prone to failure than those couples who committed themselves to marriage from the outset.
Of course, couples who find themselves in such a relationship need not fall victim to such grim statistics. What counts is their commitment to each other, strengthening the ties that bind.
Statistics are drawn from Rutgers University's Marriage Project, Gallup surveys and the National Opinion Research Center.
(David Yount answers readers at P.O. Box 2758, Woodbridge, VA 222195 and dyount31(at)verizon.net.)
AMAZING GRACE
