Worst Episode Ever

Man, last night was one of those experiences that reinforced everything I hate about the Oscars. Unfunny monologues (DeGeneres' material had more bombs than Clint Eastwood's two WW II films combined), idiotic skits (although the shadow formation dancers were pretty awesome) and so, so, so, so many long, long, long, looooong montages, including that dull-as-an-heirloom butter knife opening nominee interview sequence directed by Erroll Morris.

The show was 3 hours and 45 minutes of agony - the Grammys (which also were awful) were NFL Sunday Ticket by comparison. Also, what was with the awards order? They usually throw the audience a bone by starting with a best supporting actor award, but last night they went with Best Stereophonic Sound Distribution followed by Best Boom Mic Placement and Best Use of Purplish Blue Light for Flashbacks. I was choking myself to death on agony, switching back and forth between the boring awards nobody cares about and Arizona's valiant yet failed attempt to give away the season to ASU on the basketball court.

The presentation of the Oscars show may have been terrible, but at least the content was perfect. Hallelujah to the recognition of "The Departed." In all my years as a critic, this is the first time the genuine best movie of the year (I mean second best, after "Rocky Balboa") won best picture. The best picture win gave Martin Scorsese's long-awaited best director triumph more legitimacy, making it seem like less of an IOU. Another result that bolstered Scorsese's win was Peter O'Toole's loss in the best actor category. If O'Toole had won as well, it would have seemed like they were handing out Oscars to whomever they felt most sorry for.

Other than Scorsese's domination (and that fantastic "double-check the envelope" quote), I was happiest to see "Happy Feet" destroy "Cars" for best animated flick and that "Inconvenient Truth" song, lame as it was, topple all three of those "Dreamgirls" tunes for best song. Alan Arkin got his well-deserved (though not as well-deserved as a Jackie Earle Haley win would have been) best supporting actor upset over Eddie Murphy. I'm partly glad the Oscar show ran so long, just to make Murphy - by all accounts a petulant, pompous diva - stew in his disappointment for hour upon hour. Overall the night was basically one big slap in the face to "Dreamgirls," which was nice. Also, bravo to UA grad Ari Sandel for taking home the best live-action short statue.

What was up with Pan's Labyrinth winning seemingly everything it was nominated for except for best foreign language film? The damn upset dropped me below 80 percent on my predictions. I had to settle for 8 for 11.