ShareThisBy JEWEL KATS and DAVE SILVERBERG
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Hi Dave,
My girlfriend and I plan to get married next summer. I want a small wedding, or, even better, to travel somewhere and get married with no one around.
She wants a huge production. She says it will be the biggest day of her life and she wants it to be perfect. My point is that the wedding day is just that, a day. Our marriage, hopefully, will be for a lifetime. Do guys just have to shut up and take it? Is a wedding really all about the bride?
THE GROOM
Dear THE GROOM,
As much as I sympathize with your mini-crisis, my gut says, "Suck it up, man!" This is your girlfriend's big day, and she's not alone _ a whole magazine industry survives based on the female desire for wedding-related info.
If this means a lot to her, you should be a considerate boyfriend and play along. Will it really kill you?
Then again, watch for signs that she's taking bridal hysteria too far. Is she foregoing a wedding planner so she can do all the work? Is she spending what both of you have in savings just on the wedding? Do you have to try on suits twice a day?
When she starts going a bit crazy over the wedding, rein her in. Tell her she has to calm down, and that there are more important things in life than this "production," as you aptly put it.
And also watch for your own elevated stress level. Don't let this wedding and your girlfriend's attitude make you anxious. Instead, go with the flow and pray that her desire for perfection doesn't extend past the wedding bells.
Dear Jewel,
I'm sure you have been asked this question before.
I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 20. He is pressuring me to have sex and I'm resisting. He's my first real boyfriend and I don't know if he's "the one."
I'm afraid that if I don't give in he'll leave me, and if I do give in he'll think less of me. I'm sure every girl faces this decision. What's the answer?
_ VIRGIN GIRL
Dear V.G.,
First things first. It's irrelevant if I've "been asked this question before." I value every e-mail or letter that's sent in, and I treat each response differently. The fact that you trust me with your problem means the world to me. Thank you.
Now, let's get back to your situation.
Do I think you should sleep with this dude? To be quite frank, no, no and no. You're clearly fickle-minded and the only reason why you're even contemplating sharing your body is due to the "pressure" he's placing on you.
Personally, I have little respect for guys and gals who use manipulation as a means of meeting their desires. From what you tell me, it seems your bloke only has his interests at heart. He has demonstrated little respect for the doubts and fears you harbor.
Truth is, I don't know what he'll think if you do decide to have sex with him. But what I can tell you is this: You'll have to live with your choice thereafter. From what I hear, turning back the hands of the clock is an impossible task.
From my experience, I know that uniting with your partner is more satisfying when you're emotionally mature, and when you've taken proper sexual health precautions.
My advice? Take a break from this man. You need to cool off and think of all your options. Moreover, I suspect the age gap separating you two is more of a hazard than you'd like to admit. It's time to wake up and see the situation for what it is.
Love, Jewel
(Got a hot question for our cool columnists? E-mail Jewel or Dave at writeus(at)ypp.net or check them out on-line at http://www.ypp.net.)
