Sports world's sex-abuse cases yield painful lessons

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Like the Catholic Church before it, the sports world is facing its darkest winter. Questions abound regarding some of its most trusted institutions and the people who run them. Ideally, the answers that emerge can give us a new understanding of sexual abuse and arm us in the fight against it.

"We just don't know how prevalent it is," said Dr. Larry Lauer, director of coaching education and development at Michigan State's Institute for the Study of Youth Sports. "Sport is a place that draws abusers because you get time with children that you otherwise wouldn't get as an adult."

Lauer cited a recent study in which one in three women, and one in six men, said they had been abused as girls.

Those horrifying numbers go a long way in explaining the wave of sexual abuse crashing over the sports world. From the ice rinks of youth hockey to the U.S. swim team to Penn State and Syracuse, allegations of sexual abuse are emerging at an alarming rate.

What are we learning from all of this?

First, we've learned that sports is no different from the broader world. That should help us gain perspective on the importance of sport and how much we entrust its coaches to nurture our children.

"It's not as much about sports as people think," said Mitch Abrams, a sports psychologist who runs the Learned Excellence for Athletes consultancy in Fords, N.J. "I think there's abuse that goes on all over the place. Sports are a microcosm of life."

Second, we all could stand to learn more about how abuse occurs. Nobody likes to talk about it, especially the victims.

They are manipulated and guilt-tripped into believing they are partly to blame. But we all should learn how to identify the warning signs -- how to help prevent abuse.

"Parents are intimidated by coaches," Lauer said. "They're afraid if they say anything to coaches, the coach will take it out on the kids -- in terms of playing time and how they treat the kids.

"As a parent, you have a responsibility to monitor things."

Experts recommend that parents look for signs of abnormal relationships and behavior. Does your child's coach spend time with certain kids outside of normal team activities? Has your child developed fears or sleeping phobias after spending extended time with his or her coach? Is he or she doing worse in school?

These are telltale signs of abuse, and parents should be proactive in seeking out the root cause.

Perhaps most important is what Lauer calls the two-adult rule. Simply put, two adults should be present for any work with children.

Of course, it is impossible to see everything.

"The most vulnerable part of being a parent is accepting that ultimately we can't protect our kids from everything," Abrams said. "Predators are real good at what they do. They put shade on things and cover up."

To help overcome that devious skill, Abrams counsels a zero-tolerance attitude. Everyone should be scrutinized -- not in a paranoid manner, but in a fair way. If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to hide.

For the legions of coaches and volunteers who represent everything good about sport, this is a living nightmare. Trust has been eroded, and that's a hard thing to regain. Again, the comparison to the Catholic Church is relevant.

"That's probably my greatest fear," Abrams said. "Just like the church stood out as a figurehead of hypocrisy, that led to people questioning the role of religion. That's my fear for sports. There's a risk that people will start to question the value and good reputation of sports, as a result of the bad behavior of certain individuals.

"I think this is the tip of the iceberg."

(Contact Al Saracevic at asaracevic(at)sfchronicle.com. For more stories, visit scrippsnews.com.)

Must credit the San Francisco Chronicle. With sidebar: ABUSE-BOX