TOKYO - "Birds do it, bees do it, even all the Japanese do it ..."
Apologies to Cole Porter.
Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore. Nope, we're in a bathroom in Tokyo about to alight on a (ital) ne plus ultra (end ital) electric toilet. In America, we sit, we go, we wipe, we flush.
Not in Japan. In Japan, being clean is very important, and the modern toilets there have an array of features that are the most advanced I've ever been privy to.
The Guinness Book of World Records lists the Japanese commode as the world's most sophisticated. It has a sidearm or wall-mounted control panel with one's choice of comfort and cleansing special effects tailored to your personal nether region. Each button is usually identified in Japanese and English with a simple graphic icon. If the toilet ID is only in Japanese, it's trial and error for you. Be prepared for whizzing water, entertainment and exciting surprises.
I recently spent almost a month in Tokyo. When it was time to do my business, I pushed every button available. Here are a few of the basic operations, all individually adjustable:
--Warm seat. Frivolous to Americans maybe, but not to the Japanese because many homes lack central heating, and the bathroom may be only a few degrees above freezing in the winter.
-- Bidet. This is probably the most civilized cleanup on the planet. A fountain of warm water bathes the appropriate parts.
-- Spray. This cleans one's "No. 2" aperture. Should you be extra broad in the beam, just push the oscillating button. But first, make sure to set the water pressure dial, which ranges from lawn sprinkler to enema.
-- Blow dry. If you are old-fashioned, use toilet paper, although often it is not available. But don't be bummed. This drying option can replace toilet paper completely. For hands-free fanny fanning, press the button for drying with settings from warm Caribbean breezes to the Santa Ana winds.
-- Music. If you are shy about your tinkle sounds, press the music icon. It can range from a prolonged flushing sound to, uh, movements from the classical music repertoire.
-- Silent butler. Restaurants usually have toilets with built-in sensors for automatic lid opening when you enter a stall. When you leave the seat folds down. That one is kind of spooky, and you wonder where the camera is.
Features I didn't avail myself of include the massage option and automatic air deodorizer. Some newer models have air conditioning below the rim for hot summer days, and others have seats that glow in the dark, useful during power brown-outs.
The Super toilet is known in Japan as a washlet. The idea for the first washlets originated outside of Japan in 1964. The Japanese use of the high-tech toilets, which were made by TOTOs, started in 1980. Since then, the product name washlet has been used to refer to all brands of high-tech toilets. Currently, half or more of all private homes in Japan have washlets, exceeding the number of households that have personal computers.
There are a number of reasons for the low sales of washlets outside of Japan. The main reason is that it takes time for the customer to get used to the idea. Another is the lack of a power supply near the toilet. While virtually all Japanese bathrooms and lavatories have an outlet behind the toilet, that's not true for other countries. Washlets and other toilet-related products are produced by TOTO, Inax, NAIS and Panasonic. For pricing, go to http://www.nextag.com/washlet-toilet/stores-html
From one who knows: I suggest you indulge yourself the next time you need a change in potty plumbing.
(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, www.scrippsnews.com.)
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