ShareThisBeing dispassionate when it comes to critical comments (or rumors) from those around you is a great tool for success and maintaining your dignity. Learn to develop a "what others think of me is none of my business" attitude.
If you let yourself get twisted by the uninformed or the just plain unkind words of someone who could be either jealous or insecure, your life will become unpleasant. Remember what your mom said when you were teased as a child: "Consider the source."
Truth is that most of the negative things people may say about you come from their own discomfort and inner turmoil. If others act in a passive-aggressive manner in order to get your goat (or make you look bad), and you let them know that they have gotten to you, it will encourage them to do it again. By ignoring inappropriate and inaccurate comments or actions, you take away their power.
In the workplace, those in charge are generally aware of these bad behaviors and take blamers and rumormongers with a large grain of salt. But if you let these behaviors affect your performance or mood, it can confuse those around you. I know it can be a real challenge to not get offended or even angry at a person who has said or done something that caused you pain, but by taking this advice you are actually protecting yourself against future attacks.
You also build your inner strength by responding rather than reacting to a remark from someone who is most likely an insignificant player in the game of life. People who have self-respect don't need to put others down to feel better about themselves.
Refraining from showing your ire at being offended is a sign that you're above it. Projecting that kind of self-esteem will make you immune to the inappropriate critical comments of those who would like to see you fail; their comments become a waste of time and energy.
If you let critical remarks roll off your back, the offender will stop. If the person continues, a one-to-one discussion is in order, and if that doesn't work, you may want to bring in a third party from outside of your relationship or job. I believe that you can choose the best course of action based on the seriousness of the offense, but don't go for the throat because that lowers you to the offender's level.
When it comes to interpersonal relationships, the reality is that no two people can live together without, occasionally, stepping on each other's toes. If someone does you wrong, it most likely wasn't intentional, and if it was, that could be a signal that you may need to move on or at least get some kind of counseling.
By maintaining your poise, you keep your dignity, as well as your focus and the respect of those around you. I truly believe that doing so is your best course of action.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist in Westlake, Calif., is the author, most recently, of "Emotional Fitness at Work." He also hosts "Emotional Fitness" on NPR. E-mail him at barton(at)bartongoldsmith.com.)
(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples."E-mail him at Barton(at)BartonGoldsmith.com)
