ShareThisSometimes things just don't work out. Murphy's law seems to be the way of your world, and you feel disillusioned with your life and perhaps yourself.
Dealing with disappointment is something most people don't think "normal" people ever have to cope with. The truth is that everyone deals with disappointment, and everyone does it differently. Those who embrace positive behaviors may not get thrown off course as easily as those who have trouble doing so. The good news is that anyone can learn how to get better at dealing with disappointment, and as you do, the secondary benefit is that you increase your joy of life.
Your initial reaction to disappointment may be anywhere from getting down on yourself and reducing your productivity to perhaps taking to your bed for days on end (not real practical if you want a life). When things don't go the way you want, and you turn that against yourself, the results are going to be painful emotions and a loss of energy.
We all need to find our own ways of coping when things don't go the way we want them to -- from failed relationships to financial losses, this is the stuff life is made of. But if you pull the covers up over your head, you'll never have the opportunity to use your disappointment to get to the next level and learn from what happened.
Aware individuals feel the normal sadness that accompanies setbacks, let out appropriate feelings constructively and make a plan to help themselves feel better. This usually involves some kind of emotional or physical release, like working around the house, seeing a therapist or exercising. They also trust that something will come along to help balance out the dissatisfaction.
You may not be able to fix the initial disappointment, but you can put energy into other things and make yourself feel better by getting something positive accomplished. No matter what is going on in your world, cleaning out your sock drawer, pruning the roses, writing a novel or doing some other activity is going to make you feel better about yourself and your situation.
Disappointment takes the wind out of your sails. You can sit becalmed in the middle of regret -- or you can start paddling to shore. Whether you end up on a deserted island or a tropical paradise, I can't say. But staying where you are will surely turn you into fish food, so the only real choice is to start rowing.
Being momentarily disenchanted with your circumstances is totally human. Staying there is a choice, pure and simple.
(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist in Westlake, Calif., is the author, most recently, of "Emotional Fitness at Work." He also hosts "Emotional Fitness" on NPR. E-mail him at barton(at)bartongoldsmith.com.)
EMOTIONAL FITNESS
