Randall: Readers' costume suggestions

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OK, I asked for it. I needed a costume to wear to a big wing-ding Halloween party where my husband is going to be the bass player in the band. So I asked you to send me your ideas.

And boy, did you ever, bless your little helpful hearts. In fact, you are still sending them. Even as I write this, e-mails keep arriving like the steady drip of a faucet at 4 a.m.

Who knew there could be so many possibilities?

First, someone sent a photo of a rather large-boned woman who had painted her backside (or paid some fool to do it for her) to look like a jack-o'-lantern with a very broad grin.

I put it in a category I called "Not a chance." Other entries in that category include: "Eve in the Garden of Eden" (three well-placed fig leaves); "Pregnant Angel" (papier-mache wings, stuffed belly and a sign proclaiming "the devil made me do it"); "Statue of Liberty" (couldn't quite see myself holding up a torch all night); "Mermaid" (flesh-colored leotard, I don't think so); and "Red Hot Riding Hood" (don't even ask).

Next is a category I labeled "Groaners," for reasons I hope will be apparent: "Buccaneer" (tape a dollar bill to each earring); "Self-absorbed" (glue sponges on a sweatsuit); "Dogcatcher" (carry a stuffed dog to toss up and catch); "Tic Tac Toe" (glue Tic Tacs to the toes of your shoes); "Laundry basket" (cut out the bottom, step inside, stuff with laundry); "Old news" (cover yourself with yesterday's newspaper, but save my column for the bird cage); "Cereal killer" (carry boxes of breakfast cereal studded with plastic knives and covered in fake blood); "Mixed greens with dressing on the side" (dress in multiple shades of green and carry a bottle of salad dressing); "Freudian slip" (wear a slip to which you've pinned a photo of Freud); "Autumn leaves" (cut holes in a garbage bag for your arms and legs, climb inside, fill with newspaper, tie around your neck and stuff colored leaves in all the openings); "Hip chick" (dangle a rubber chicken or duck from a side pocket); "Vampire victim" (white powder on the face, two ink dots on the neck); "Cup holder" (carry a cup.)

These ideas require a "Gown and a Tiara": "Tooth Fairy" (attach photos of teeth to the gown); "Queen Bee" (substitute fake bees for the teeth); and "Miss Ugly America" (add a banner as a sash and wear a fake nose and mustache).

And these are "My personal favorites": "Black Eyed Pea" (wear the letter "P" and blacken one eye with makeup); "Ghost of Technology Past" (carry a typewriter or an old adding machine); "Swine Flew" (wear a rubber pig nose and a pair of wings); "Ceiling Fan" (carry pompoms and a sign that reads, "Go, Ceilings!"); "Dust bunny" (rabbit ears and gray sweatsuit covered with tufts of polyester fill); "In Cognito" (wear a sign that reads "world's sexiest woman disguised as me").

By far the most-suggested idea was that I should go as a "groupie" with the band. One reader said I could wear a sheet covered in music notes and go as "sheet music." Another said I should go as a fiddle so I could "fiddle" with the bass player.

Or we could share a set of Army fatigues -- one would wear the shirt, the other the pants, and go as "Upper and lower G.I."

Finally, the perfect costume for the woman (or man or child) who hates costumes: A T-shirt printed "This is my costume."

Thank you so much for your suggestions. All I need to do now is decide which idea ... oh, wait. There's another e-mail.

(Sharon Randall can be contacted at P.O. Box 777394 Henderson NV 89077 or at www.sharonrandall.com.)

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