ShareThisBy STEVE BUCCI
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Dear Debt Adviser,
My boyfriend has more than $30,000 in credit-card debt that he wants me to help pay off. He amassed an additional $30,000 debt three years ago, but rolled this into his mortgage. I don't think I should help pay for any of this debt. Do you agree?
_ Kay
Dear Kay,
Wow. He must think he is some special boyfriend, or that you are a very gullible young lady. I agree with you, without a single doubt, hesitation, reservation, misgiving or qualm. Your boyfriend has again dug himself a fairly deep debt hole without your help. Not to mention the fact that he covered up his previous debt hole by rolling over the debt to his mortgage. Still, to give him his due, he has managed to purchase a home.
So, as a former credit counselor, I'd like to believe that maybe he just needs some sound advice and encouragement to see the error of his overspending ways. However, as a father, my suggestion would be to run away from this guy as far and as quickly as possible.
Before you decide if the relationship is salvageable, remember: He has shown by getting into debt, to the tune of $30,000 within three years of transferring an additional $30,000 in debt, that he is either oblivious or ignorant about how to manage his finances. I'm not sure which of these characteristics is his main attraction. You, however, apparently understand the financial score and that by helping pay down his debt, you would be encouraging him to do it yet again, but this time with your money.
If, for some unexplained reason, you don't want to take my fatherly advice and dump the boyfriend, there are several things you might get him to try that may help him while not hurting you financially in the process.
Things you can try:
1. The most important thing he can do to help himself is to stop overspending right now. If you believe he won't stop, drastic measures may have to be taken, such as cutting up his credit cards or freezing them in a block of ice in his freezer to ensure that he stops. If that fails, you might move on to freezing something more personal. I mean like your relationship.
2. Work with him to prepare a spending plan so that he gets out of the habit of spending tomorrow's money today. In addition, he will need to include an allocation in the plan to pay down the $30,000 debt. To get started, you might review the budgeting tools at www.moneymanagement.org and the calculators on the topic at Bankrate.com. His level of enthusiasm for this process will be a good indicator of his, and your relationship's, likely success.
3. Paying off debt can be arduous and, from my experience, no fun. You could offer to do something special with him once a month around the time he has to send in payments to his creditors. A low-cost excursion or better yet, a free trip to the local art museum or park would be alternatives to consider.
Kay, I hope he is one of many boyfriends you have. Being with a person who is out of control financially can be fun for a short time, but it sure gets old fast once the bills come due.
Good luck!
(The Debt Adviser, Steve Bucci, is the president of Money Management International Financial Education Foundation and the author of "Credit Repair Kit for Dummies." Visit www.moneymanagement.org or call 877-311-2227 for additional debt advice.)
