My Razzie Ballot
I was disappointed to see "Eragon" miss the final Razzie ballot, and "The Pink Panther" only make it in one category. I had to compromise and shift my support to Sharon Stone and "Little Man," but thus are the travails of democracy. My votes are marked with an X.
WORST SCREEN COUPLE:
Tim Allen/Martin Short SANTA CLAUSE 3
Nicolas Cage/Bear Suit THE WICKER MAN
Hilary Duff/Haylie Duff MATERIAL GIRLS
XSharon Stone's lopsided breasts BASIC INSTINCT 2
Shawn Wayans/Kerry Washington or Marlon Wayans LITTLE MAN
COMMENTS: I've seen worse, but the category is just too funny to avoid voting for.
WORST SCREENPLAY
Basic Instinct 2
Bloodrayne
Lady in the Water
XLittle Man
The Wicker Man
COMMENTS: Didn't have the displeasure of seeing Bloodrayne or The Wicker Man. Basic Instinct 2 was at least unintentionally funny. Little Man wasn't funny intentionally or otherwise.
WORST DIRECTOR
Uwe Boll BLOODRAYNE
Michael Caton-Jones BASIC INSTINCT 2
Ron Howard THE DA VINCI CODE
M. Night Syamalan LADY IN THE WATER
XKeenan Ivory Wayans LITTLE MAN
COMMENTS: Uwe Boll is the worst director in film, but since I didn't sit through his latest movie, the vote has to go to Mr. Wayans.
WORST REMAKE OR RIP-OFF
Little Man
XThe Pink Panther
Poseidon
The Shaggy Dog
COMMENTS: The original Pink Panther is awful, too, but the remake was the worst movie I saw last year. Shaggy Dog, you should thank Steve Martin's ego.
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Danny DeVito DECK THE HALLS
Ben Kingsley BLOODRAYNE
Martin Short THE SANTA CLAUSE 3
XM. Night Shyamalan LADY IN THE WATER
David Thewlis BASIC INSTINCT 2
COMMENTS: I liked Lady in the Water, but since the only performance in this category I saw was Thewlis, who was too dull to leave an impression, I've gotta go with Night. I wonder if he'll show up at the ceremony to accept his award like Halle Berry?
WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
XKate Bosworth SUPERMAN RETURNS
Kristin Chenoweth DECK THE HALLS, PINK PANTHER and RV
Carmen Electra DATE MOVIE and SCARY MOVIE 4
Jenny McCarthy JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE
Michelle Rodriguez BLOODRAYNE
COMMENTS: If I was judging on straight-up lack of talent I'd choose Electra, but Katie B wins out because of bad casting. She's about 10 years too young to play the version of Lois Lane (Pulitzer Prizewinner and mother of a 4-year-old) in the terrible Superman Returns screenplay.
WORST ACTRESS
Hilary/Haylie Duff MATERIAL GIRLS
Lindsay Lohan JUST MY LUCK
Kristanna Loken BLOODRAYNE
Jessica Simpson EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
Sharon Stone BASIC INSTINCT 2
COMMENTS: I don't want Simpson to win this, just because she'd probably see it as an honor. This category is all Sharon Stone. Basic Instinct 2 was tailor-made to land her a Razzie.
WORST ACTOR
Tim Allen THE SANTA CLAUSE 3, THE SHAGGY DOG, ZOOM
Nicolas Cage THE WICKER MAN
Larry the Cable Guy LARRY THE CABLE GUY HEALTH INSPECTOR
Rob Schneider THE BENCHWARMERS and LITTLE MAN
XMarlon and Shawn Wayans LITTLE MAN
COMMENTS: I really despise Tim Allen, but he got out-underclassed by two of the 75 Wayans brothers this year. I'm sure the Tool Man (has a nickname ever been more appropriate?) will try again this year with seven more idiotic, emasculating Disney comedies.
WORST PICTURE
Basic Instinct 2
Bloodrayne
Lady in the Water
XLittle Man
The Wicker Man
COMMENTS: Again, I'm sure Bloodrayne is probably the worst of these, but I don't want to find out for sure. It's all you, Little Man.
