ShareThisBy MELISSA DAHL
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Feeling emo today? Even if you didn't start your day under a dark cloud, these songs are all that's needed for an instant bad mood.
Author Tom Reynolds analyzes a list of sigh-inducing songs in his recent book "I Hate Myself and Want To Die: The 52 Most Depressing Songs You've Ever Heard" (Hyperion, $10.36, 288 pages).
These are songs you've probably wept over many times, but still you listen with your sad box of Kleenex. As Reynolds puts it, "You could be driving down the freeway in a brand-new Maserati you just won in a raffle, and Phil Collins' 'In the Air Tonight' comes on, and all of a sudden you feel like crashing the car."
So try not to operate heavy machinery while reading this list, our favorite pathetic songs on Reynolds' top 52 list.
_ "Alone Again (Naturally)" by Gilbert O'Sullivan
Why it's depressing: Whiny guy gets left at the altar and at the end of the song, his parents die. But Reynolds says the real reason this song is so depressing is the guy sounds like a total loser. Naturally.
_ "In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus)," Zager and Evans
Why it's depressing: The song starts in 2525, and in each verse it fast-forwards about 1,000 horrifying years until 9595, predicting a pill-poppin', machine-dependent future world.
_ "Beth," KISS
Why it's depressing: Poor Beth. She waits alone at home for her musician boyfriend, who'll be staying at band practice for a while. See, he and the boys are playing, but they "just can't find the sound."
_ "Sylvia's Mother," Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show
Why it's depressing: A heartbroken guy calls his ex from a pay phone but can't get past her mother. Poet Shel Silverstein, known for humorous books such as "Where the Sidewalk Ends," wrote the song. Reynolds says it was meant to be a parody of uber-depressing songs, but no one got it _ which is depressing in itself.
_ "Mandy," Barry Manilow
Why it's depressing: According to urban legend, the song is about Manilow's sweet little dog that he sent away. Reynolds says that's not true; still, for ultimate "Mandy" depression, pretend it's true anyway.
_ "MacArthur Park," Richard Harris
Why it's depressing: This gloomy song bums listeners out as well as confusing them, because the lyrics don't make a lot of sense. Need an example? The central focus of the song's chorus is a soggy cake left out in the rain.
_ "Brick," Ben Folds Five
Why it's depressing: Folds wearily sings about a guy driving his girlfriend to get an abortion, and repeats that "she's alone, I'm alone."
_ "Teen Angel," Mark Dinning
Why it's depressing: High school sweethearts' car stalls on a railroad track, and the two narrowly escape an oncoming train _ until the girl for some reason runs back to the car for the guy's high school ring. You know what happens next.
_ "Seasons in the Sun," Terry Jacks
Why it's depressing: Sung from the perspective of a man on his deathbed who says goodbye to friends and family, recalling their days of joy, fun and seasons in the sun.
_ "Honey," Bobby Goldsboro
Why it's depressing: As if the sappy strings and the story line about a deceased wife weren't bad enough, this song crams in lyrics about planted trees, puffy clouds, angels and a puppy.
(Melissa Dahl can be reached at mdahl(at)sacbee.com.)
