ShareThisSorry Tiger Woods, I'm not buying it.
So now you are a sex addict? Says who? You? Your handlers?
See that's the problem, Tiger. We can't trust you anymore. Your whole image was a lie. A sham. Orchestrated from the very beginning by IMG and Nike. Looking back, those first two words, 'Hello, world," which just happened to already be the central theme of Nike's first Tiger marketing campaign. We were fools and you played us.
If I thought you were an addict, I'd have tremendous compassion for you. But Tiger, I'm not a doctor, don't play one on TV, and did not sleep in a Holiday Inn Express last night. But you are not a sex addict. You are an arrogant, cheating husband with a great many narcissistic traits. But a sex addict? Please.
Addiction begins to rule your life. Everything begins to suffer, including your work. Tiger, you were the PGA Tour Player of the Year last year. Yes, you did not win a major, but you did have three top-six finishes in them with your best finish being your last major. You then went on to win the season-ending FedEx Cup. So your addiction was so bad that you continued to play so well?
Tiger, you just got caught.
You are not a sex addict -- just a horny dog.
And yet somehow, some way, either you or the people who have given you the worst P.R. advice ever, came up with this idea. Really? This is going to win us back? Elin? No. It's pathetic. It gives us a whole new series of jokes at your expense.
When you are an addict, you lose control. The addiction overwhelms you. Tiger, you were calmly orchestrating your affairs. You had friends and associates make the arrangements that you had planned out. You paid all the expenses. Tiger, you were in total control.
You are not an addict. You are a "player" -- one that got caught.
Tiger, IMG, Nike ... have you ever heard of "the truth shall set you free?" Try it sometime.
Instead, you guys come up with, rehab. Really? What are you David Duchovny?
You know when he gets done with rehab he has to make a vow of celibacy for at least four months. He has to avoid situations that would make him ... excited. Does this mean only post-round interviews with the Roger Maltbie and Peter Kostis? If Tiger, sees a gorgeous woman walking the fairways, does caddie Stevie Williams ask her to leave?
We joke because we know this is a joke.
He is not an addict. He's a young, good-looking, super-rich athlete who decided to treat his marriage as a sham and do what many other young, good-looking, super-rich athletes/celebrities do -- have sex with everyone they can. Why? Because they can, and that feeds the ego. And people like Tiger Woods have an ego the size of Texas.
Tiger's best pal is Michael Jordan, who's had his own indiscretions put in the media spotlight. You see him going to sex rehab? No. He got a divorce and bought the Charlotte Bobcats.
Because he knows he's not an addict. He's a jerk.
I can see "the spin" now. The same drive that fueled his competitive desire in golf is what led to his problems elsewhere. Oh, please.
An apology and a divorce would have taken care of everything.
You are not an addict. You are a cad.
Sixty days of hiding in Hattiesburg, Miss., can't fix that.
You want to fix your life? Play golf. As soon as possible.
The course is the only place where you are not a fraud.
(David Moulton is a freelance writer and radio host. His column is written for the Naples Daily News in Florida.
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