Sure, your parents did a great job. But what percentage of life lessons did the average young teen in the 1970s learn from them, compared with the Judy Blume books? Fifty-fifty? Seventy-thirty?
In a sense, we all grew up with two sets of parents: our biological ones, and the authors of the books that we read during our formative years. "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret," "The Chronicles of Narnia," the Nancy Drew books and the "Little House on the Prairie" novels shaped their respective generations -- one training bra, martyred lion, obvious clue and bout of life-threatening fever at a time.
With the sixth "Harry Potter" movie in theaters, and the "Twilight" book series nearly complete -- only "Midnight Sun," a retelling of the first book, remains unfinished -- we've put together a profile for each generation, based on the books they grew up with. The release dates of the most significant books in the series are in parentheses.
This is obviously for entertainment purposes and not very scientific (except for the part about everyone who read the "Lord of the Rings" books naming their cats Frodo).
"Twilight"
(2005-???)
You named your cat: Edward; Cullen; Edward Cullen
You have an irrational fear of: Sunlight; high school; sex
Your preferred form of conflict resolution is: Tearing someone's body into tiny bits and then torching the resulting pile of flesh; baseball
The age when you reached second base is: Still hasn't happened (saving yourself for marriage)
Your guilty pleasure is: Reading the "Twilight" books while covered in glitter and Bedazzler-embossed clothing
"Harry Potter"
(1997-2007)
You named your cat: Dumbledore; Hagrid; Hermione
You have an irrational fear of: Reality
Your preferred form of conflict resolution is: Performing magic tricks; playing a confusing made-up sporting event involving brooms and golf balls
The age when you reached second base is: Still hasn't happened (saving yourself for Emma Watson)
Your guilty pleasure is: Searching the Internet for nude images of Daniel Radcliffe
Judy Blume's books
(1970-77)
You named your cat: Fudge; Iggie; Deenie
You have an irrational fear of: Little brothers; getting your period; back braces
Your preferred form of conflict resolution is: Putting rotten eggs in people's mailboxes; pouring cornflakes on your brother's head
The age when you reached second base is: 13
Your guilty pleasure is: Shoplifting; voyeurism; skipping to the dirty parts of "Forever"
S.E. Hinton's books
(1967-1971)
You named your cat: Ponyboy
You have an irrational fear of: Switchblades; rich people; Leif Garrett
Your preferred form of conflict resolution is: Organizing a rumble; hopping in a boxcar and hiding out in another county
The age when you reached second base is: 17
Your guilty pleasure is: Reading Robert Frost poems aloud to your best friend in abandoned churches
"Lord of the Rings"
(1954-55)
You named your cat: Frodo; Gandalf; Arwen
You have an irrational fear of: Spiders; volcanoes; inscribed jewelry
Your preferred form of conflict resolution is: Taking really, really long walks; firing a catapult at your tormentor
The age when you reached second base is: Still hasn't happened (but your Dungeons and Dragons character has gone all the way!)
Your guilty pleasure is: Watching the movie trilogy while eating authentic Middle-earth foods. Real fans make Lembas bread by milling their own flour!
(E-mail Peter Hartlaub at phartlaub(at)sfchronicle.com.)
(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, www.scrippsnews.com.)
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