ShareThisIn the classic Hollies song, "He Ain't Heavy, He's my Brother," the group sings:
"The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where ...
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there. ..."
Well, in 2009, what if the burden is to help care for that brother, even as he suffers and dies? Does that load weigh us down too much? Does it weigh down those who are themselves suffering, or who are just plain old?
Apparently, yes. As Nancy Gibbs notes in a recent Time magazine essay, "Already in Oregon, one-third of those who chose assisted suicide last year cited the burden on their families and caregivers as a reason."
One-third.
Gibbs was commenting on the recent joint suicide of renowned conductor Edward Downes and his wife. Both elderly, he was healthy while she was terminally ill. Together they went to Switzerland, where they paid a clinic to legally help them commit suicide. Their adult children were with them.
They didn't want to suffer or be a burden to others. Apparently, that's too heavy a load.
Look, there are all kinds of reasons to not artificially prolong life. But I hope I never get into a situation where I want to artificially limit my life so that I'm not a burden to loved ones.
When you think about it, we are all "terminal." Along the way, allowing each other to bear our burdens is one thing that separates us from animals. To let a loved one care for me might be the very thing that leads to greater compassion or less selfishness in him. And I might have to get over my pride in not needing help.
To accept that, I really am dependent on others. So my suffering could be a gift to both of us.
Conversely, I want to be open to receiving that gift from another.
I'm fiercely independent and self-reliant by nature. But already in the five years I've been single I've become better at laying down my pride and asking for help. I've learned to share much more in the burdens of others. Both sides of that equation have profoundly enriched me. I hope I've become more human.
No, I'm not suggesting we wallow in pity, seek joy in "victimhood" status or suffer for the sake of it. I'm all for ease in life. Good grief, I don't even like camping.
And I am not minimizing the very real sacrifices and burdens that caregivers often experience.
But I am convinced there is a growing mindset in our culture that genuine suffering has no value and that, increasingly, it must be avoided, even at the cost of life itself.
Well, I think that's selfish. So, memo to kids and family: I'm not checking out early just to avoid being a burden to you. And I sure don't want you doing that for me.
No, it's not Gospel, but I'm with the Hollies on this:
"... If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another."
(Betsy Hart hosts the "It Takes a Parent" radio show on WYLL-AM 1160 in Chicago. Reach her through hartmailbox-mycolumn(at)yahoo.com. For more stories, visit scrippsnews.com.)
FROM THE HART
