ShareThisAccording to Sigmund Freud, the definition of mental health is the ability to work and to love. I agree with Sigmund. The ability to love, although essential, is not enough.
Some teen-agers out of school for summer vacation might disagree. For them, the perfect life would be going to the beach, sleeping until 2 p.m. and cruising at night with friends. At the risk of sounding like the Grinch who stole Christmas, after a while this would get boring.
When I speak with my contemporaries who are looking forward to retirement, they express similar sentiments:
"Can't wait until I have absolutely nothing to do. I would not get bored. Just try me. I'd go fishing, take trips with my spouse, visit my kids and grandkids. Yep, I'd do just fine with no schedules, clocks or places I have to be."
Think about it. Every day is a day off. Every day is Sunday. For a few months traveling around, reading books or watching movies might be fun, but most people would reach a point where their mind would cry out for stimulation.
I've met a few people who, for financial reasons, did not have to work. Most of these individuals went through an initial phase of doing nothing but pursuing fun. Some lasted a few months, a couple made it a year or two, but eventually all of them desired more than hedonism.
People like to speculate what they might do if they won the lottery. The majority say "Quit my job." That's probably true. Individuals who do not find gratification from their employment would not be clamoring to continue to do it every day.
But for those of us who like a challenge and enjoy being stimulated, 365 days a year of doing nothing does not sound like paradise.
If you are bored at a party and want to get an argument going, ask this question. "Would you still work if you didn't have to?" I would come down decisively on the column stating, "I would want to feel productive, maybe not doing exactly what I'm doing now. But I would not wish to see if I could perfect having fun into an existential art form."
Old Sigmund was right about a lot of things and somewhat twisted about some others. I think, however, he got this one correct. There is something very gratifying about mentoring, making a contribution and assisting others that appeals to the humanness in most of us.
Those times when I have been edgy, grumpy or down were usually the times I was not writing, seeing clients or exchanging ideas. I don't fancy myself an intellectual, but I do like to understand what makes other people tick. I think that is why I enjoy watching reruns of "Columbo" or episodes of "House."
Others thrive on expressing what they feel through painting, writing or music.
The feeling of connectedness is the central ingredient. Yes, it's nice to write a story, but it's even more enjoyable when another reads it and it touches them. It's the same with a painting or song. The creation is thrilling but incomplete.
When the expression comes full circle and the originator hears "I understand what you were saying," there are few words sweeter than these.
The new parent playing peek-a-boo with his or her infant has this sensation. So does the equestrian who moves in perfect harmony with the horse. As good as it feels to please oneself, it feels that much better to share it with another.
(Mitchell Rosen is a licensed marriage and family therapist at family(at)PE.com.)
(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, www.scrippsnews.com.)
Must credit The Press-Enterprise of Riverside, Calif.
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