ShareThisWe can hear the promo now: "Tonight on TLC/ABC/NBC/CBS/MTV/VH1 (take your pick), meet the Heene family of Colorado. Dad is a self-described storm chaser who likes to take the children on adventures. He and mom met in acting school. Together they 'conduct weird experiments' and sent authorities on wild-goose chases after a homemade Mylar weather balloon containing -- you'll love this one, folks -- one of the children. But here's the hook -- the boy was safe all the time. No harm done."
Well, not exactly.
The reality for this family with reality-show aspirations is that child-endangerment charges will be filed, according to Larimar County Sheriff Jim Alderden, who told the nation following the "incident" that the boy-in-a-balloon saga was a hoax. The couple, parents of three boys, including Falcon, who supposedly was trapped in a "UFO-seeking balloon" that traveled 50 miles across two counties, already has one reality show under their belts, the totally tasteless "Wife Swap."
Their next outing may be "Richard and Mayumi Go to Jail."
Alderden said in a televised press conference Sunday that the stunt, watched nationwide, much like the slow-speed chase of O.J. Simpson in 1994, was "a marketing ploy" by the family to push for its own reality show.
It was supposed to be about a wacky family, with the dad always doing crazy experiments, a "mad scientist," according to a man who says he was Heene's partner -- although he says the publicity stunt they discussed months ago to promote the show did not involve the Heene children.
The couple's lawyer, David Lane, said he didn't want "to see a perp walk done for media consumption," as Heene planned to turn himself in. Ironically, anything for media consumption is likely what Heene would prefer. He and his wife put on a pretty good show for viewers, but it's not likely that any network, even the desperate ones, will touch them for a new series.
Maybe this will signal the demise of the reality hoopla that has substituted inanity for sanity in television programming.
We can only hope.
The runaway balloon scare temporarily shut down Denver International Airport and the National Guard provided two helicopters (at a cost of almost $15,000) to aid in a rescue attempt, according to The Associated Press. Other costs have not yet been estimated.
While it's a certainty that an investigation into this foolishness is necessary, of more importance is that someone is looking out for the welfare of the children, who authorities say knew about the hoax but won't be charged because of their ages. The oldest is 10.
The sheriff's department tried to direct the children's mother to take the boys and go to a shelter, but she refused. Lane maintains that the boys are "well loved, well taken care of, well adjusted and happy little boys." This is a family that craves attention, regardless of whether it is positive or negative. Although a hand-written note asking for privacy was taped to the family's front door, while Alderden was conducting the press conference, the Heenes were at a local Wal-Mart buying snacks, and, of course, talked to reporters "with tears in their eyes."
After the public brawl that was "Jon and Kate Plus 8," child services agencies across the country may have to come up with a new definition of what constitutes child cruelty to take into account the reality-show phenomenon.
(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.com)
