By SCOTT OSTLER, San Francisco Chronicle

PEBBLE BEACH, Calif. - Tiger Woods' body language after clunky shots, as he staggered down the backstretch Sunday behind a beaming and visor-tipping Phil Mickelson, was that of a kindergartner whose parents just told him his fingerpainting lacks originality.

CARMEL, Calif. - Tiger Woods showing up at the Pebble Beach AT&T Pro-Am after 10 years away creates a buzz. It's kind of like Elvis (if he were alive) showing up to perform at a convention of Elvis impersonators.

SAN FRANCISCO - Tony Plush is the alter ego of Milwaukee Brewers centerfielder Nyjer Morgan, a Bay Area home guy and one of the oddest characters in sports. Morgan pulled on a "PLUSH" San Jose Sharks sweater, laced up the skates and zipped around with his favorite team at a morning practice this week.

Morgan/Plush didn't crack the squad, but the squad didn't crack him.

Ah, San Francisco -- the only NFL city that has stadium mood lighting.

Romantic table for 69,732? Right this way.

Unfortunately, the fans who came to the Steelers-49ers game Monday night didn't get the PG&E memo asking each fan to bring a candlestick to Candlestick.

As reality checks go, this one was unreal.

Or maybe surreal? Too real?

The Raiders wanted to test themselves, see if they could hang with the big boys, the NFL's biggest boys, and the Raiders got slapped upside the head with the tundra-cold truth: No can do.

Satchel Paige's rules for life included: "Dance like nobody's watching."

That was the 49ers on Sunday, having almost more fun than the law allows, even in San Francisco.

Near the end of the 49ers' 26-0 division-clinching win over the Washington Generals -- or maybe it was the St. Louis Rams -- the 49ers looked like "Glee" meets "West Side Story" on the gridiron.

The NBA lockout has ended, just in time to avoid losing any games at the start of the season.

What? The lockout wiped out the first two months of the season? My bad!

In baseball and football, the season opener is a big deal. In the NBA, the start of the season creates as much excitement as the Soap Box Derby time trials.

Many folks in the media have been asking: What will this terrible scandal do to Joe Paterno's legacy?

Folks, this is Joe Paterno's legacy.

Emails jump into my inbox defending Paterno, many of them from Pennsylvania, pointing out his won-lost record, his years of service and his reputation.

It was the worst of quarterbacks, it was the best of quarterbacks.

It was the Tim Tebow Experience.

On Sunday, Tebow led the Denver Broncos to a 38-24 win against the Oakland Raiders. The way he did it defies logic or easy explanation.

Who's winning: Hue Jackson or Jim Harbaugh?

Which rookie Bay Area NFL head coach has best captured the hearts and minds of his respective players and fans?

What, you didn't realize this was a competition? Of course it is.