By REG HENRY, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Henry: Why a dog never says 'Bah humbug'
Whatever else you can say about the holiday season, it is surely a puzzlement to family pets. All the commotion and comings and goings cannot help but disturb their routines.
Heck, the industrial-strength festivities disturb my routines and I am just a hapless man-about-the-house trying to stay out of trouble. How much more confused must be dogs and cats and hamsters and parrots?
The Baghdad shoes fly in our faces, too
There is much rejoicing in certain quarters that an Arab journalist threw his shoes at President Bush in a Baghdad news conference Sunday.
We are all invited to join in the fun -- and, yes, it is some kind of ironic fun.
However, I think I will decline the invitation, thank you very much.
Henry: Too big to fail, Santa wants a bailout
Santa Claus has applied for a federal bailout of the Christmas industry.
Of course it was inevitable. As many others have come to Congress with their large beggars' cups, it makes sense that the U.S. government should underwrite an enterprise that is the great engine of seasonal commerce.
When the young turkeys come home
Many cities and towns across the United States have trouble holding on to their young people because they go off to seek adventure and employment in the wider world of greater opportunity.
Henry: Your vampire expert has all the answers
When I was kid, many TV shows and films at the cinema were Westerns, and to this day I cannot think of family entertainment without thinking of horses and cattle. Sometimes I moo just to get into a G-rated frame of mind.
In politics, like sport, sore losers stink
Comrades, when the dreaded socialism descends on America courtesy of the Obama administration -- which, by the way, is the most ridiculous delusion to sweep the land since the Y2K scare -- I hope team sports become mandatory.
The political song and dance flies away
Some of you may have wondered how I've stayed sane in the last weeks of the presidential election campaign, assuming, of course, you think I was ever sane, a point of contention in some circles.
Laughing all the way to the finish line
In the standard metaphor of the presidential election race, it is the candidates who are said to be running. My friends, to borrow John McCain's phrase because soon he will not be needing it, we are all runners.
Lead us not into denial: Race matters in this election
U.S. Rep. John Murtha, the Democrat from Johnstown, Pa, who is the sugar plum fairy for the defense contracting community, said recently of the presidential election that people in this part of the country are racist, especially the older population who are "more hesitant."
