By REG HENRY, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

On a recent trip to Philadelphia, I went to dinner with friends at a famous barbecue restaurant. Some of us were pretty hungry but, as usual, I was just homely hungry. Still, by the time we arrived, we could have eaten our meal off the lid of a garbage can.
To my surprise, this is what occurred.

When Associate Justice David Souter announced he would be retiring from the Supreme Court, President Obama lost no time in throwing a cat among the pigeons.

Being not particularly tolerant of other people's personal peccadilloes, I was recently alarmed to discover that I have been unconsciously humming.
This is not the worse thing -- the unconscious singing of loud operatic works is arguably more worrisome, especially if it's done in elevators -- but a man does like to know what he is doing.

I do not wish to shock you today but I am thinking of becoming a conservative. What else is a contrary fellow to do? Being a liberal was fun back when it wasn't the "in" thing, but in the Obama era more and more people are leaning liberal to the point where it has become socially acceptable. Frankly, the old liberal magic of being universally reviled has faded for me.

The Obamas have a new dog, Bo, which I assume people who are suffering from terminal cuteness with a touch of dyslexia will call Bo-ama.

As flags fly at half-staff and Pittsburgh's spirits dip as low as the sullen clouds, it is necessary to take the unusual step of saying something nice about the government.

Once upon a time the only destination for a father of the bride was the poorhouse, but the trend of destination weddings has changed all that. The poorhouse now comes after a visit to an exotic locale.

If you can stay focused, my topic today is the various assaults on America's declining powers of concentration. Where was I? Oh yes, according to my theory, everything in modern life is subversive of people's ability to focus on the subject at hand. This is a huge problem.

You may be wondering who are the people still spending money during this recession. Among them, and I speak from personal experience, are the fathers of the nation's brides.

As you know, the best minds in Washington, D.C., are working to fix the economy. That strongly suggests to me that the recession is going to be around for a while yet.
So how are we to behave in our reduced state of prosperity? What etiquette should we observe? To answer these questions, I am writing an important and timely book, "Good Manners That Poor You Can Afford."