By RAY McNULTY, Scripps Howard News Service

There's something entirely fitting about Major League Baseball investigators questioning Jose Canseco in a bathroom this week.Because from what I've seen -- excerpts reported by various news outlets -- that's where his new book belongs.

By the time I turned on the television Tuesday, the 2008 Major League Baseball season was in the fourth inning.It was 7:30 a.m.And the game was being played in the East. The Far East. As in Japan.

Can Tiger Woods win the Grand Slam? Can Tiger Woods win 11 consecutive PGA Tour events, which would tie the record held by the great Byron Nelson? Can Tiger Woods win every tournament he plays this year? Such questions are no longer unthinkable -- not the way Woods has been playing, not the way Woods has been winning.

So when do the refunds arrive? When do the Miami Heat's season-ticket holders get their money back, at least a pro-rated share to cover the final 10 home games? When can those folks who already purchased single-game tickets return them, or trade them for similar seats next season? Because, clearly, the rest of this season is worthless.Or at least meaningless.

Shooting birdies on a golf course? Good.Shooting eagles? Better.Shooting hawks? Stupid.Beyond stupid, really.It's criminal -- when done intentionally.

PALM BEACH GARDENS, Fla. -- If Toby Keith makes your kind of music ...And Jeff Foxworthy does your kind of comedy ...And Cracker Barrel is your kind of place to eat ...Then Boo Weekley is your kind of golfer.Because this is no act.

Now that Tiger Woods has made a mockery of all the silly talk of yesteryear, back when a trumped-up posse of sharp-shooters called "The Big Four" were supposed to challenge the world's best golfer, Ernie Els has set his sights on something more realistic.Something other than taking back the No. 1 spot in the game.

It wasn't exactly Steinbrenner-esque.There were no ultimatums. Nobody's job was threatened. He never said, "Win now or you're gone."There wasn't even the slightest hint of anger or brashness or defiance in his voice.

All of a sudden, after 61 mostly wonderful winters of beachside baseball in Florida, Dodgertown is an outdated dump.Vero Beach is a nowhere, no-fun town that rolls up its sidewalks at sunset. And the people of Indian River County are a bunch of rude, angry, money-gouging racists.

The greatest golfer ever doesn't play much golf anymore.Doesn't watch it, either."I don't watch any," Jack Nicklaus was saying last week at one of his golf course design projects. "I don't have any interest in it."He stopped himself.