By NEAL JUSTIN, Minneapolis Star Tribune

LOS ANGELES - Since the advent of television, CBS has had a hard time getting up in the morning. Despite recruiting such heavyweights as Bryant Gumbel, Diane Sawyer, Bob Schieffer and even Dick Van Dyke, the network has always trailed NBC's "Today" and ABC's "Good Morning America" in the ratings.

So why does CBS stay in the game? Cash, and lots of it.

LOS ANGELES - The "CSI" investigators spent much of last season hunting down a serial killer. Now they're after an equally elusive target: a sense of humor.

The former No. 1 drama has a new night (Wednesday, 10 p.m. EDT) and a new lead in Emmy winner Ted Danson, who takes over for a grim Laurence Fishburne. Most important, there's a new tone, a welcome change for the veteran cast.

If the 1950s-60s sitcom "Leave It to Beaver" was suddenly transported into the 2011 fall schedule, Ward Cleaver would still clock in at the office, play golf on weekends and dote on his children.

He'd also be a nincompoop.

How dare Hollywood churn out a children's film that drives its audience to tears when heartless outsiders murder a beloved character?

How dare they kill Bambi's mom?

H. Jon Benjamin is so smooth, so dashing, as the voice of FX's animated spy "Archer" that you might assume he has at least a passing resemblance to Cary Grant. Such is not the case. In real life, Benjamin is a 5-foot-6 middle-aged bald man with a scruffy beard and a slight paunch. He looks less like a suave operator and more like Martin Mull's misfit son.

It was a perfectly orchestrated, sentimental, tear-inducing milestone in TV history. But enough about Michael Scott's last shift at Dunder Mifflin.

Steve Carell's departure from "The Office" on Thursday night was overshadowed mere hours later with the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, estimated to have been devoured by a record 2 billion viewers around the world.

Our bags are packed, the tuxedoes are pressed, our curtsies are perfect.

All we're waiting for is a call from Buckingham Palace, confirming that we've been invited to Friday's royal shindig. And, hey, while we're visiting fantasyland, here are 10 other historical weddings we'd have loved to crash:

ILDIKO & ATTILA THE HUN (453 A.D.)

Anyone pitching a concept these days to pay-cable channels should heed this advice: Think big. Really big.

Politicians and corporate leaders: Prepare to be punk'd.

Jennifer Aniston recently revealed that she turned down an offer to join the cast of "Saturday Night Live" in the mid-'90s because she considered the show to be a "boys' club."

Today, the club has a new policy.