By MARK PATINKIN, The Providence Journal

As a writer, I get a ton of e-mails from public-relations firms, most of them standard fare, but this one was compelling."I thought I would present you with some extra insight about 'What women want,' " it said.Most men would pay dearly for the answer, since we pay dearly for not having it, so I clicked to a suggested Web site called measureupplace.com.

Thoughts at large:-- Who'd have thought that banking -- a business where you collect money from everyone else -- would be the worst business in America?-- Remember the good old days when a 300-point market swing was not a biweekly event?-- CEOs and superstar athletes are the only folks I know who make millions when batting .160.

I called Washington to say I'm ready to help ease the financial crisis."We appreciate that," said Washington. "What are you offering?""I'd like you to bail me out.""Pardon?""As I understand it," I said, "you're about to spend $700 billion giving top dollar to banks for their bad mortgages."

I came across a list of thought-provoking things people have learned from children.Including:-- A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000-square-foot house 4 inches deep.-- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.-- VCRs do not eject sandwiches.I am familiar with this kind of knowledge, having helped raise three children.

Judging by the placards at the Republican convention, Sarah Palin's most trumpeted credential is not governor, or mayor.It's hockey mom.As a longtime hockey parent myself, I have great respect for this.And it's got me thinking how it may well give critical preparation for the White House.Start with equipment.

Thoughts at large:-- I'm getting a bit tired of the "overwhelmed celebrity" act. You don't see people struggling to pay mortgages go into rehab every six months.-- Why do dogs love swimming but hate baths?-- As far as the new push to make restaurants list the calories of each dish -- would most men know what the numbers mean?

Based on a scientific survey, the test sample being my children, no kid wants to go to a new camp.They insist they won't get anything out of it. How could parents do this to them?It got me thinking back to when I was just as resistant.I was 12 when my parents made me go to my first overnight camp.There was no way I would survive.

Thoughts at large:Who buys Premium gasoline anymore?I wonder what the Elks Club will look like when the hip-hop generation gets old enough to start joining it?I think I've just solved the energy crisis: mini wind-turbines mounted on cars.